The Meaning of Matthew by Judy Shepard

The Meaning of Matthew: My Son's Murder in Laramie, and a World Transformed by Judy Shepard
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Time taken to read - 1 day

Pages - 271

Publisher - Hudson Street Press

Source - Bought

Blurb from Goodreads

The mother of Matthew Shepard shares her story about her son's death and the choice she made to become an international gay rights activist

Today, the name Matthew Shepard is synonymous with gay rights, but before his grisly murder in 1998, Matthew was simply Judy Shepard's son. For the first time in book form, Judy Shepard speaks about her loss, sharing memories of Matthew, their life as a typical American family, and the pivotal event in the small college town that changed everything.

The Meaning of Matthew follows the Shepard family in the days immediately after the crime, when Judy and her husband traveled to see their incapacitated son, kept alive by life support machines; how the Shepards learned of the incredible response from strangers all across America who held candlelit vigils and memorial services for their child; and finally, how they struggled to navigate the legal system as Matthew's murderers were on trial. Heart-wrenchingly honest, Judy Shepard confides with readers about how she handled the crippling loss of her child, why she became a gay rights activist, and the challenges and rewards of raising a gay child in America today.

The Meaning of Matthew not only captures the historical significance and complicated civil rights issues surrounding one young man's life and death, but it also chronicles one ordinary woman's struggle to cope with the unthinkable.



My Review

I had heard of Matthew Shepherd before but only a little about what happened to him. This is written by his mum, she takes us over how she met his dad, their backstory and then onto Matthew. From birth until he was cruelly and horrifically taken from them.

We learn about Matthew as a child to early adulthood and mum goes into the troubles and mental health issues/difficulties he experiences and things he overcame. She takes us through how she found out Matthew had been hurt, the extent of his issues and the media frenzy that followed.

The court case I thought would have been more in depth however it isn't and focus is on her experiences. That being said we do hear about the assailants and what they did in the run up to, during and after the mindless violence they commit upon Matthew.

It is quite emotive, hard to read in parts (especially in the sections about what happened to Matthew), the book does cover some hard topics that may be triggering for some. Knowing what the book is about, homophobia raises its ugly head, assault, sa, violence but it also has resilience, love, strength and the love for Matthew is very evident, 4/5 from us.

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Vile Stars by Sera Milano

Vile Stars by Sera Milano
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Time taken to read - 1 day

Pages - 384

Publisher - Electric Monkey

Source - Vine & then bought copy

Blurb from Goodreads

(TRUE) LOVE
(TOXIC) LOVE
(LOST) LOVE

This is a different kind of love story.

17-year-old Luka isn't looking for love. She's trying to piece her life back together after a heartbreaking loss. But when she meets the gorgeous and charismatic Cosmo under a meteor shower at the Greenwich Observatory, it feels like destiny has played a hand. Surely theirs is a love written in the stars.

But Cosmo isn't what he seems, using Luka's love for him to slowly take control of her life. As the pandemic starts to make headlines and lockdown sets in, she is trapped emotionally and physically in a coercive relationship. Luka's friends and brother can see what's happening, but struggle to reach her. Something will have to be sacrificed so Luka can set herself free - but what will be left of her when she does?

Luka's story is told from many points of view: through her letters, and through the voices of her brother, Alec, his boyfriend Theo and Luka's best friend, Roisin. Each of them holds a fragment of the story - it's time to put it all together.


My Review

I don't know what I was expecting with this one, when I first got it and seen the trigger warnings I was looking after my dad so put it aside. The parental loss isn't a huge central theme but relevant to the characters and there are many emotive issues. The characters are young, taking exams age and a tight group, best friends Luka (main character) & Roisin, Luka's brother Alec and his boyfriend Theo. Luka and Alec lost their mother & live with their step dad and wee sister, Cosmo is lost, writing letters to her mum and leaving them at the grave. Enter Cosmo, a chance encounter and he sweeps Luka off her feet and that folks is when everything starts to change and become dark.

So I think this may be my first book with pronouns and a trans character and whilst Luka is central Theo and the issues surrounding them is hugely important and relevant. Cosmo is a piece of work, I haven't loathed a character like this in a while. Luka is in the flows of grief and dealing with loss, heartache and trying to find herself so when Cosmo comes along we see red flags and vile traits that Luka is blinded to.

Despite the characters being young the amount of adult themes and issues are relatable across the board. The toxicity of the relationship was really uncomfortable to read but so important and well done, homophobia, transphobic, isolation, coercion and you have friendships, relationships, grief, loss, coping or rather trying to.

This is my first time reading this author, I will absolutely check out their other works, 4/5 for me.

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Tell Me How To Be by Neel Patel

Tell Me How to Be by Neel Patel
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Time taken to read - < 2 days

Pages - 336

Publisher - Trapeze books

Source - Review copy

Blurb from Goodreads

Lost in the jungle of Los Angeles, Akash Amin is filled with shame. Shame for liking men. Shame for wanting to be a songwriter. Shame for not being like his perfect brother. Shame for his alcoholism. And most of all, shame for what happened with the first boy he ever loved. When his mother tells him she is selling the family home, Akash must return to Illinois to confront his demons and the painful memory of a sexual awakening that became a nightmare.

Akash's mum, Renu, is also plagued by guilt. She had it all: doting husband, beautiful house, healthy sons. But as the one-year anniversary of her husband's death approaches Renu can't stop wondering if she chose the wrong life thirty-five years ago and should have stayed in London with her first love.

Together, Renu and Akash pack up the house, retreating further into the secrets that stand between them. When their pasts catch up to them, Renu and Akash must decide between the lives they left behind and the ones they've since created.

By turns irreverent and tender, filled with the beats of '90s R&B, Tell Me How to Be is about our earliest betrayals and the cost of reconciliation. But most of all, it is the love story of a mother and son each trying to figure out how to be in the world.



My Review

Growing up in a family where expectations and traditions are set, your brother is everything to make the parents proud and you seem to always be the opposite. You can be your true self, your career is a disappointment - you just want to write songs and you have a secret that is tearing you apart. That is Akash, never measuring up to family expectations, hiding his sexuality, shamed and his internal war causing addictions and destructive behaviour.

The book splits between the view points of Akash and his mum Renu, after his fathers sudden death she is finding herself in a strange new life. She can do what she wants and Renu has her own guilt and secrets. With opportunity and freedom she looks up her old flame but can a widow, with expectations really follow her heart after all these years?

The book is really emotive. I felt for Akash, I got annoyed at him, I felt sad for him, I wanted to hug him, I wanted to slap him. Self destructive behaviour, lashing out, hiding behind a façade and struggling between who he is and who he appears to be for his family. They both, Akash and Renu visit back to their past and secrets that have plagued them and impacted on who they are and actions to the present predicaments they find themselves in.

Again with Renu, I fist pumped the air at one point GO GIRL then another I wanted to slap her for her cruel mouth. As you learn more about both complex characters you understand a bit more about why they are the way they are now, in the present. Woven throughout the book we have lyrics and music from the 90's some I knew and had a wee bit of nostalgia, some I had to ask Alexa to play.

I also liked learning a bit about Akash and Renu's culture, I was often putting the book down to google stuff and I do enjoy when a book gives you a chance to learn a bit more like this. the book features a lot of themes, as I said it is emotive. A gay man having to suppress who he is and the negative impact that has on him, sexuality, sex, love, relationships and Renu, how an arranged marriage impacted so heavily on her life, outlook. What it is like living where she is as a married woman, how the locals treat her and how things are different now she is a widow.

I could go on and on about this book to be honest, it has a very raw and human feel to it, things you like about them, things you don't, how they behave, react, act, family/relationship issues and of course the old actions and consequences. This is my first time reading this author, it won't be my last 4/5 for me this time.

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America for Beginners by Leah Franqui

America for Beginners by Leah Franqui
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Time Taken to read - 4 days

Pages - 320

Publisher - Harper Collins

Source - Review Copy

Blurb from Goodreads

Pival Sengupta has done something she never expected: she has booked a trip with the First Class India USA Destination Vacation Tour Company. But unlike other upper-class Indians on a foreign holiday, the recently widowed Pival is not interested in sightseeing. She is traveling thousands of miles from Kolkota to New York on a cross-country journey to California, where she hopes to uncover the truth about her beloved son, Rahi. A year ago Rahi devastated his very traditional parents when he told them he was gay. Then, Pival’s husband, Ram, told her that their son had died suddenly—heartbreaking news she still refuses to accept. Now, with Ram gone, she is going to America to find Rahi, alive and whole or dead and gone, and come to terms with her own life.

Arriving in New York, the tour proves to be more complicated than anticipated. Planned by the company’s indefatigable owner, Ronnie Munshi—a hard-working immigrant and entrepreneur hungry for his own taste of the American dream—it is a work of haphazard improvisation. Pival’s guide is the company’s new hire, the guileless and wonderfully resourceful Satya, who has been in America for one year—and has never actually left the five boroughs. For modesty’s sake Pival and Satya will be accompanied by Rebecca Elliot, an aspiring young actress. Eager for a paying gig, she’s along for the ride, because how hard can a two-week "working" vacation traveling across America be?

Slowly making her way from coast to coast with her unlikely companions, Pival finds that her understanding of her son—and her hopes of a reunion with him—are challenged by her growing knowledge of his adoptive country. As the bonds between this odd trio deepens, Pival, Satya, and Rebecca learn to see America—and themselves—in different and profound new ways.



My Review

Meet Pival, stuck in Kolkota, in a home of ritches and so so alone. Her husband has died and left her with servants who don't respect her and unable to make herself a cup of tea if she wished, it must all be through the servants. All Pival wants is to know if it is true, is her son alive or dead in New York? Pival books a trip against everyones advice, she will be accompanied by Satya the tour guide and a paid companion Rebecca. The unlikely trio make the journey together, for them Pival just wants to see America, for Pival it is all about her son.

Before the actual journey and trio meet we get to know the three and who they are, what is going on in their lives and just how very different they are and their lives. Pival is such a lovely lady but has been stifled in her husband's shadow and ruling, now he is gone she needs to rediscover herself and the truth about her son. The chapters flick between the characters and we visit a young homosexual couple who have their own struggles, both individually and as they try to be together and explore their love. Satya comes from nothing, we follow his friendship and background and what brings him to the job he gets which puts him in the path to meet Pival. And lastly young Rebecca, an aspiring actress, she has her own demons and wee follow how fate gets her the opportunity to meet Pival and how the three come together for the second half of the book.

The story is one I am glad I was sent as I may passed this one in the store and that would have been a big miss. There is so much of this tale, for all of the characters go on journey where they are exposed to people they wouldn't normally be. It shapes who they are, their thought process and they all go on a journey of personal growth as well as an actual travelling trip.

I also liked the parts where we follow Pival's journey from her India to America, she has never left there and whilst it doesn't cover a huge part of the book (later part of the story before she actually gets out of India) I liked it. The story delves into so many issues, humanity, culture, personal issues, coping with being gay, a woman trying to find her place once she gets out of the controlling life she has led are just some of the topics. I think Franqui chewed off a lot in tackling this and for me I got to learn a bit about life for Pival, dealing with sexuality, struggling with trying to be an actress, poverty, survival and travel when you have never left your very sheltered life. It is an interesting story and emotive in parts, whilst it did take me a while to settle into it and get used to the characters I did enjoy it. 3.5/5 for me, first dance with this author and I will look out for anything else she brings out.

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Somewhere Inside Of Happy by Anna McPartlin

Somewhere Inside of Happy by Anna McPartlin
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Time taken to read - 2 days

Pages - 427

Publisher - Black Swan

Blurb from Goodreads

Maisie Bean is a fighter. A survivor. Seventeen years ago, she went on a first date that went so badly it was enough to put the girl off chips. The marriage that followed was hell but it gave her two children: funny, caring Jeremy and bullish but brilliant Valerie.

Just as it seems everything might finally start going right, sixteen-year-old Jeremy goes missing. The police descend and a media storm swirls, over five days of searching that hurtle towards an inevitable, terrible conclusion.

Maisie is facing another fight, and this time it’s the fight of her life. But she’s a survivor. Whatever the odds, she’ll never give in.


My Review

The book opens in present day, Maisie Bean is about to do a talk and she is feeling nervous. She takes the reader back to the past that shows us how she got to where she is and why she does what she does. She has two beautiful kids who have their own issues after watching their mother survive and abusive relationship. They live with Maisie and her mum whose illness provides more stress and strain on the family. Her youngest is moody, argumentative and trying to find herself and Jeremy is the apple of everyone eye, sixteen but responsible, kind, caring and trustworthy. This is what sends everyone into a panic when he doesn't come home, the media get involved and things from the past won't stay buried.

McPartlin has a style where she can hit some very dark and unsettling topics but still infuse the story with humour and provide light relief which I think is an amazing feat for an artist. The characters you immediately warm to, or hate pending on which ones we are talking about. She whirs up a storm and covers many issues in life that the reader can identify with or at least one of them. Friendship, love, domestic abuse, sexuality, homophobia, media scrutiny, personal growth, family secrets, the list goes on and on whilst not overstretching the story or realism.

I could have easily read this in one sitting had time permitted, you are drawn in within the first few chapters and I gasped out loud at least once. A very talented writer, I have read her before and I will read her again, I think her writing gains strength with age and experience, 4/5 for me this time.

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The Heart's Invisible Furies by John Boyne

The Heart's Invisible Furies by John Boyne
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Time taken to read - 4 days (on and off)

Pages - 592

Publisher - Doubleday

Blurb from Goodreads


Cyril Avery is not a real Avery or at least that’s what his adoptive parents tell him. And he never will be. But if he isn’t a real Avery, then who is he?

Born out of wedlock to a teenage girl cast out from her rural Irish community and adopted by a well-to-do if eccentric Dublin couple via the intervention of a hunchbacked Redemptorist nun, Cyril is adrift in the world, anchored only tenuously by his heartfelt friendship with the infinitely more glamourous and dangerous Julian Woodbead.

At the mercy of fortune and coincidence, he will spend a lifetime coming to know himself and where he came from – and over his three score years and ten, will struggle to discover an identity, a home, a country and much more.

In this, Boyne's most transcendent work to date, we are shown the story of Ireland from the 1940s to today through the eyes of one ordinary man. The Heart's Invisible Furies is a novel to make you laugh and cry while reminding us all of the redemptive power of the human spirit.




My Review


Hello 1945, we open in Cork with Catherine, sixteen years old and daughter to a Catholic family in a small town. Catherine is pregnant and publicly shamed by the priest before being forced to leave with very little in her pocket and all alone. A chance friendship sees her land in Dublin and there we tragically leave her and follow the life of Cyril Avery. Cyril was adopted so not a real Avery as he is reminded at all opportunities by his adoptive parents Charles and Maude. With a privileged upbringing but lacking in emotional stability, Cyril grows up to be an interesting young man. With a country ruled by a religious tight hold, Cyril struggled to be who he truly is and has to deal with the fall out of his lifes decisions.

Well I don't know what I was expecting when I started reading this but it wasn't the emotional gut wrenching journey I was taken on. Catherine, whilst playing minimal parts in the book is an amazingly strong character with more morals and scruples than some of the people of the cloth or esteemed societal figures in the book. A tale of coming of age, society's prejudices, sexism, homophobia, violence, extremism, family, personal growth, love and morals all play a part in this breath taking story.

It is a novel that is very brave, the author tackles many subjects that will raise tempers, emotions and even force readers to examine their own moral compass. Definitely one of my top reads, at moments I was rooting for Cyril and others so enraged by some of his decisions thinking noooo, why?!?!?!. I think many readers will identify with at least one aspect if not more of the book, either as the struggles Cyril has to survive and embrace or with the strength and growth of some amazing people. Thanks to the publisher for sending me a review copy of this, I have read Boyne before and will be snapping up the rest of the back catalog as I enjoyed this one so much. A book that packs an emotive punch and leaves you thinking about it long after you have finished the last page, 5/5 for me!

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