Apocalypse Cow by Michael Logan

Apocalypse Cow by Michael Logan
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Time Taken To Read - 2.5 days

Blurb From Goodreads

'Apocalypse Cow made me snort with laughter' - Terry Pratchett.

Forget the cud. They want blood. An outrageous an anarchic comic take on the zombie apocalypse - and joint winner of the first Terry Pratchett ‘Anywhere But Here, Anywhen But Now’ prize.

It began with a cow that just wouldn’t die. It would become an epidemic that transformed Britain’s livestock into sneezing, slavering, flesh-craving four-legged zombies.

And if that wasn’t bad enough, the fate of the nation seems to rest on the shoulders of three unlikely heroes: an abattoir worker whose love life is non-existent thanks to the stench of death that clings to him, a teenage vegan with eczema and a weird crush on his maths teacher, and an inept journalist who wouldn’t recognise a scoop if she tripped over one.

As the nation descends into chaos, can they pool their resources, unlock a cure, and save the world?

Three losers. Overwhelming odds. One outcome . . .

Yup, we’re screwed.

My Review

I love zombies books (as you may have noticed), so when I heard about this one I thought I just had to give it a read. Geldof is a 15 year old Vegan boy, embarrassed by his hippy parents. If they aren't screaming at the neighbors for their murder and consumption of flesh(animals of course), forcing him to be a Vegan and wearing God awful natural fiber clothes his mum is bartering for food in the shop with vegetables. What follows is an unlikely team against the zombie animals. Something goes wrong at the abattoir, a weird plague amongst the cows gets out and spreads among domestic animals and soon everyone in Glasgow (and Britain) is at risk of being humped, mauled and or eaten.

This book is hilarious, disgusting and so UN PC - it has everything rolled into one story. The nerdy boy with the crush on the teacher, the hippy parents, the teenage bullies that need to be addressed or obeyed and of course the threat of being killed by rabid flesh eating animals from cows to rats.

Some of the brutality to the animals is a bit uncomfortable reading (in any kind of context) but taking the book as it is with silliness you can get through it, after all it the small matter of survival. This is my first encounter with this author and I would read him again, I also secretly (not so secret now) hope there is a follow up to this book. Will Geldof survive? Does he get the woman of his dreams and be the hero at the end? Well you have to read it and find out for yourselves folks. Thanks to Transworld publishers for giving me the chance to review this and introducing me to a new author, 4/5 for me this time. Just to add, I reviewed this in 2012 however the review was missing from this blog. I just received a copy of the next book in this series so reposting this!

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13 Bullets by David Wellington

13 Bullets by David Wellington
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Time taken to read - 4 days

Publisher - Piatkus

Pages - 373

Blurb from Goodreads

All the official reports say they are dead-extinct since the late '80s, when a fed named Arkeley nailed the last vampire in a fight that nearly killed him. But the evidence proves otherwise.
When a state trooper named Caxton calls the FBI looking for help in the middle of the night, it is Arkeley who gets the assignment-who else? He's been expecting such a call to come eventually. Sure, it has been years since any signs of an attack, but Arkeley knows what most people don't: there is one left. In an abandoned asylum she is rotting, plotting, and biding her time in a way that only the undead can.
Caxton is out of her league on this case and more than a little afraid, but the fed made it plain that there is only one way out. But the worst thing is the feeling that the vampires want more than just her blood. They want her for a reason, one she can't guess; a reason her sphinxlike partner knows but won't say; a reason she has to find out-or die trying.
Now there are only 13 bullets between Caxton and Arkeley and the vampires. There are only "13 bullets" between us, the living, and them, the damned.


My Review


Well, this was a vampire tale with a bit of a difference. The vampires are not like vamps as we know them, well not any I have watched or read about. They are most powerful when they feed, totally vulnerable when they sleep. They have hypnotic powers of control, ok this has been mostly popular throughout the years, they require you to self terminate to aid the turn. Just a few things that are new compared to the books I have read. Agent Arkeley has dealt with them before and only just made it out, this time he enlists the help of State Trooper Laura Caxton to defeat the new rising of vampires. By why her, why are the undead and half undead interested in her, why is Arkeley so invested in killing their one true master?

I liked and disliked this story probably in equal measures which is why I fenced it with a 3/5. It is always interesting to get a fresh spin on tales that have been around for years however some of it really annoyed me. If the vampires are so indestructible at certain times, why do they not overcome their subjects quicker? Why are not all made full vampires, why do the half deads flit between ferocious and cowardly? Why is there a need for self termination, I think for me, I needed more on the curse and the how and why of it.

There are quite a few themes in the book, the killings and blood lust are quite graphic in parts so not for the faint hearted. There are paintings with body fluid, lesbianism features strongly for one of the characters which, I understood for two scenes but otherwise there was no huge contribution to the tale, unless I missed subtle undertones?

There are more tales in this series and whilst I would read them, I won't be rushing out to buy them. I would love to know more about Arkeley right enough and Malvern so I would certainly read them if they came my way. I have read Wellington before, his zombie trilogy which I definitely prefer however I think this series does have potential.

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