If I Can't Have You by Charlotte Levin

If I Can’t Have You by Charlotte Levin
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Time taken to read - 3 days as able

Pages - 416

Publisher - Pan

Source - Bought

Blurb from Goodreads

Samuel, the day we met I knew I’d finally found what I’ve been waiting for.

You.

Happiness, at last.

Then you left me.

And now I am alone.

Everyone I love leaves in the end.

But not this time.

I’m not giving up on us.

I’m not giving up on you.

When you love someone, you never let them go.

That’s why for me, this is just beginning.


My Review

Oh this is a dark yin! Our main character is full of secrets, a bit all over the place and I couldn't decide how I felt about her. The book is a bit of a slow burn, teasing out and revealing information about out main character Constance. She works in a doctors surgery, her guy room mate is a bit much and full on at times, Constance is a bit quiet, a people pleaser and actually really complex. She lost her mum, her dad bounced when she was younger and she has so much unresolved issues and emotions. When Samuel joins the surgery Constance notices him quickly and soon things get very tangled, very mixed and very dodgy and dark, strap in guys!

There is so many dark issues, triggering for some and toxic toxic behaviours and people! Obsession, gaslighting, manipulation, grief, stalking, mental health, sa, honestly it is wild but very very dark. Cause and effect, how one persons perception can be so different, how manipulation of people can lead down some dark paths. It is very much an example of play with fire and you will get burnt.

I did struggle with some of this, not because it isn't well done or badly written, more because the people and behaviours are so shocking. It is car crash tv, like you don't want to read or look but you absolutely cannot look away because you HAVE TO KNOW. It is really good but just prepare yourself for a dark shady ride and if you have a shady muppet ex I think you will sympathise with Constance at some points and oooft girl what are you thinking at others, 4.5/5. Wild that this is a debut, it is really well done, total creepy, cringe and breath holding at points but it is a slow burn for a fair bit, prepare!

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Loyalty by Martina Cole and Jacqui Rose

Loyalty: The brand new novel from the bestselling author by Jacqui Rose
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Time taken to read - 4 days

Pages - 624

Publisher -

Source - Bought

Blurb from Amazon

Dara Tailor and Grace Perry couldn't be more different. But both had to grow up fast when their circumstances led them to Holly Brookes Children's Home.

There, the two girls unite in the face of horrific abuse and form an unbreakable bond.

But when their loyalty is put to the ultimate test, can they rely on each other to do the right thing?

Friendship - it's all about trust.


Don't miss the explosive new novel from the queen of crime Martina Cole.


My Review

Guys this is a really dark book, perverts attacking, abusing kids, like they have like minded pals some in very high positions so they have access to vulnerable kids so warning warning warning. Cole's books often take us to the darkest sides of humanity, abusers, murder, low to no morales, depravity and really unsettling at times.

Dara and Grace come together in a childrens home, Dara has grown up with her mothers addiction, neglect, trying to provide for her siblings but she is a wean herself. Grace is different, lost her dad and now it is just her and her mum, she is loved, cared for and very innocent. When fate gives a heartbreaking blow Grace finds herself in the children's home and Dara and her have an unlikely friendship.

The book takes place over X time, we meet Dara and Grace as innocent children who are subjected to some of the most horrific abuse/treatment. It takes us up until adulthood, reconnections and more drama and heartache. There are other characters involved, vile baddies, perverts one of which has a wife and her behaviours, the things she does to protect her husband will make you want to scream, zero morality. Substances, abuse, betrayal, depravity, CA, SA, domestic violence, toxic family, toxic relationships, survival, strength of character, ooft it is a mixed bag, 4/5 but approach with caution it is a dark dark book.

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